Posted by Lolly
Where oh where oh where is Lolly?
I’m on a self inflicted holiday, due to the fact that I have broken several bones in my right hand and as i am now in a FULL *PURPLE* FIBERGLASS CAST, i am typing this message slowly with my left hand! So while i fat out on the couch and get my kids to help me with EVERYBLOODYTHING, I’m handing the mic over to Zoe from The Crying Room to tell me the 10 stupidest things she as ever done…
Hello lovelies, I’m on here Guest Posting on Lolly’s blog because she had a little bit of an accident with her hand and it’s all brokenish and sore and the like. Now you get to listen to me carry on like a pork chop. Awesome? Not so awesome? Maybe both?
Settle down with a bottle of vodka or a cup of tea – whichever you fancy – and have a good old squiz at my
Top Ten Stupidest Things i have Ever Done.
Let me just say now, some things are probably supposed to be in this list, but aren’t because I was too drunk to remember, okay?
1. Drinking 4 drinks last night.
We’ll start off with something light shall we? And I don’t mean the drinks. Okay, I know it was only four drinks – 2 bottles and 2 glasses of wine. but those bottles were pretty big! Like 2 drinks in one, possibly a space saving idea from Ikea, but hey – those 2 large bottles of cider and 2 standard [maybe a little more] glasses of wine [in a plastic glass I’d like to add] were more than enough for this old chook. I maybe only be 25, but I’m an old bitch at heart, and i was quite hungover this morning.
2. Had a massive crush on Zac Hanson.
MmmBop….MmmBop…yeah, yeah MmmBop. What the MmmBop was I thinking? Do I need to explain this more? I will let you know i was only 10 years old at the time. But I had posters of him up on my wall and used to kiss it. Oh. My. God.
3. Building a house…
With an absolute wanker! The house building wasn’t the problem, it was the bullshit afterwards when I broke up with him and tried to move on with my life. Word of advise people – don’t buy houses with people who are f%#ked in the head!
4. Took Missy back to the pet shop.
Yeah, i am the worst doggie mummy ever in the world. I know. I thought I was saving her from an unsightly and almost impossible death. I am so ashamed. But i did go back and get her a few hours later, after crying like a little baby for 3 hours.
5. Smoking sticks.
When I was younger I used to visit my dad’s best friend; Sue’s house. She has 2 kids [twins; a boy & girl] that were similar age to myself and my brother and we used to hang out all the time. Amber [the girl – did I really have to clarify that?] and I used to go around and find sticks in her backyard that were a little bit hollow but had some mushy stuff in them [not poop!] and run off to hide out the back to try smoke them like cigarette. Gross? They were probably poisonous too. Fools!
6. Make a collection of free Pad and Tampon samples.
Being the cool child that I was, I used to buy Girlfriend and Dolly magazine, which were possibly a little bit too mature for me at the age of 11 or 12… They used to give out free samples of new tampons that had come out and things and I used to save and store them in my emergency pad and tampon box! Don’t worry about the fact I didn’t even get my period until I was 14! My mum found it and confiscated it because she thought I was a weirdo child! Which now I realise, I was!
7. Had so many boyfriends.
maybe it was ‘daddy’ issues, but i have had a few boyfriends, which I kind of which I hadn’t, now! I am Kris’ first [and only, now!] girlfriend and i wish I had been more ‘pure’ in a sense – not that he was pure in any way, shape or form – trust me, not having a girlfriend didn’t stop him! But i wish that it didn’t seem like I changed boyfriends as often as i changed my nickers. i think i am the only one that thinks this, but Shhhhh.
8. Bought a cot, basinette and change table before even hearing my baby’s heartbeat.
Which i never heard in the end, because it stopped beating when it was 9 weeks and 2 days old. It still kills me each time i go into that room, where everything still is, and this all happened 7 months ago.
9. Making a My Space account in 2007
Seriously? Who the frick has MySpace?
10. Not asking for help when I needed it.
This has happened many times in my eventful life, but one time i remember very clearly was when I was in Kindergarten – so i would have been 4 yours old. We were making pumpkin soup for lunch [what the hell? Child labour?] and they told us very clearly not to cut ourselves. I am a bit of a stickler for the rules, because i don’t like to get in to trouble [I’ll cry everytime – even now!] so I was trying very hard [as hard as a four year old can] not to cut myself. And then i cut my finger. And i was scared. My finger was bleeding but i didn’t want to tell anyone i had done exactly what they’d told me not to! So I ran off to my bag that was very naturally coloured in pink and blue and shaped as a Hippopotamus face to get one of my band aids that I knew was waiting for me. but there were no band aids in my pink and blue hippopotamus shaped bag, were there?! So I walked around for a bit, holding my finger for dear life, hoping I could wait until home time…But the fear of losing my teeny-weeny finger got the better of me and I ended up asking one of the teachers. And do you know what? I didn’t even get in trouble!
Zoe is an awesomely awesome chickie from RAdelaide where she lives with her man and her puppy dog. She blogs over at The Crying Room << click it and spread the LOVE 🙂